Masters of plants. Champions of people.

Work: Fiercely competitive. Appointment-crams. Misses nothing.

Play: Touring gardens, fine wines, child-raising.

Sharp elbows, soft heart.

Been a darling of the office fitout industry since before most of us were born. Likes using very big words. Studied fine art. Blunter than a concrete block. I’m on a mission to teach him his Ps & Qs.

I’m going to be nice about Gerry. Because he brings charcuterie whenever he visits and we’d very much like that to carry on. But if it ever stops, I’m coming right back to this bio and it will be brutal. General interests: wine, rugby, food.

Has this crazy thing where he keeps a complete wash-kit and change of clothes in his rucksack - can reappear at a moment's notice in a fresh rig with a G&T in hand. Envious.

Chloe is stock car racing. Totally and utterly committed to the cause: drives a souped-up Fiat 500 Abarth, chequered nails, and wrench jewellery sets. Runs her department in the same way -  fast and furious.

Such a dad. Gets fussy about the recycling bin. So so charming. Does a mean Austin Powers impression. Frontman for The Road (great band, have a listen.)

An irrepressible puppy, a green thumbed legend. Has a cool bf, a stunning allotment, and designing her finca (nice villa) in Spain. Absolute class.

The most perfectionist person on the planet. Not a single hair out of place. Everything in apple-pie order. Which sucks for him because Leicester City have been absolutely flattened - not much perfection there tbh. So be kind, this is probably a tough time.

Ask him anything and he’ll be on the phone for the next half hour helping you solve every problem on your list. Your problem = his problem until it’s solved. It’s probably why he’s an account manager (a very good one).

853 horsepower, twin turbo, sixteen speed sequential box, matrix-LED headlights, 22inch alloys, limited split diff, carbon fibre and alcantara everywhere, Akrapovič pipes, flat plane crank, DCC, launch control, forged internals, carbon ceramic brakes, short shift kit, dual clutch, carbon splitter, mag ride dampers, braided lines, intercooler upgrade, vented bonnet. You get the picture.

Given his hair looks like he’s been painting the ceiling, he’s probably mid forties. Which means he’d have grown up in 90’s Manchester. That was Britpop (Blur, Oasis, Stone Roses) x ‘Gunchester’. So we’re talking bad hits, baggy trousers, warm lager, sticky dancefloors and a tommy gun.

Is young, very young. Only just born in fact. This fledgling chick launches himself down hills on a thing called ‘downhilling’. Got to learn to fly somehow!

Ooh, me, I don’t have any interests. Apart from shooting, horseriding, owning 3.2 dogs, (including a shihpoo (don’t ask)), pilates, skiing… You do have interests, and they are very cool.

Did 15 years in the forces, hence he’s built like a brick proverbial. Literally parachuting behind enemy lines. Huge respect. Cannot stand still for a photo.

Imagine mixing fluoroantimonic acid, carborane superacid, fuming sulfuric acid, oleum bath, piranha solution, aqua regia rinse, chlorosulfonic splash, triflic core, perchloric temperament, hydrofluoric edge, and nitric bite. You might get somewhere near her acerbic sense of humour. Also into art and general creativity. Call it acid house meets art house.

Loves nothing more than pratting around on camera, climbing erupting volcanoes, and stealing seeds to plant in her greenhouse. Also does workshops and designs nice plants.

Former goat farmer. Wears smart tweeds like he owns half of Surrey yet will fall off his chair if a dog nips his ankle *(wouldn’t you?!). Comes up with ideas that are met with side-eye by colleagues. 

*by Carlsson

Better at everything than Tom. That’s his only USP. Oh and Jersey, Alderney, Sark, Herm, Jethou, Brecqhou, and Lihou are all terrible but Guernsey is amazing, like the promised land overflowing with milk and honey. Little nationalist islandist.

Literally the world’s worst vegetarian. Eats meat the whole time - and not even subtly. Also makes clothes and wears his creations. Trousers, crazy waistcoats, a waxed jacket that I shall steal. *Also is second best at everything to Lewis.

*by Lewis.

Chris’ whole life is about helping. Everything he does is about helping someone else. There’s nothing there to roast. Love our Chris. He did once win a sandboarding competition which we didn’t see coming.

To be completed...

Never seen without a tie, but is completely colourblind, so Mrs Ryan has to help pick them out. Exudes golden retriever energy in the absolute best possible way.

To be completed...

Full swan mode. Calm, demure, chill. Works like a speed demon. In other news, loves her horses and is permanently seeking sun.

We’re here to mock her for her love of 90’s boy bands. We love her though, proper office mum. When she’s not mothering her own children or her work children, she’s crashing out to Five on their reunion tour.

ex-RAF. Runs the warehouse like prepping a F32 for a night raid. Noticed the staff have started keeping step and standing for inspection... at what point do we get worried?

Has a sense of humour so dry it makes Death Valley look like a swamp. Likes cricket and beer, tbf they feature more than his wife and kids.

Work, home, work, run, sleep, repeat. So lovely. Keeping Pepsi in business since 199-something.

To be completed

Your FD = grey hair, grey clothes, grey personality. Our FD? honestly so nice, sports mad, loves his fashion (has a shoe rack under his desk?!) goes on long weekends to hot islands (nice tan). This is our FD. Gutted.

When I asked what she liked doing, Sherry took it very seriously.  Yoga, gardening, crocheting, knitting, reading, cooking, baking, family -- basically, anything that’s not work. I’d probably feel the same if I had to do finance.

Sally has a colossal grin, Cheshire cats spring to mind... but she's a human and she's from Leicestershire, so hey.

When she's not chasing you for money (trust me, that grin can disappear in an instant), she's out socialising or walking her dogs.

All smiles until you forget to upload your receipts. Then you realise the anger is just a template. So you chill a bit more. And then she bites, hard. Ouch. Mollie, we love you. Please keep paying my expenses. Also an absolute champion Zip player - should represent Team GB.

The OG along with his brother. He actually started growing plants for us over in Holland (legal plants). Given he spends all day buying plants, he only has one at home. It’s a cactus.

Makes devastatingly good cakes. We’re nominating for GBBO. Ate and left no crumbs.

Scratch that. GBBO is a full time job and we need our Katie (or at least her cakes).

Quotes 80s comedy and Sun Tzu, communicates with Gifs and Excel. Insatiable curiosity. Equal parts clever and shy. Life is dominated by raising small children and chasing down English white wines.

Resident Disney princess, McFly superfan, and full-time, obsessively overbearing, dog mum - will show you 8547 photos of Finley if you show even the slightest interest… but he does have 5.4k followers on Instagram, so he’s kind of a big deal.

Complained so much about having her photo on the website we just turned her around.

Linda wants me to be nice. And that’s lucky: I can be, as she is. Has a massive trainer collection, obsessed with her cocker spaniel George, loves country music. Could also give Bet Lynch a run for her money with her wild collection of animal-print attire.

When you think of Adi, only one word should come to mind: busy. He’s always racing around with a laundry list of tasks, from ordering more vans to drawing up RAMs. Funny though, for a cuddly Coventry lad, he writes the most formal emails I’ve ever seen.

Absolutely wasted here. With spreadsheet skills like his, he should be doing hedge fund analysis. Take this as your cue - Goldman Sachs is calling.

Pumped Brummie. NEVER seen without a blazer. Loves a savvy b. Recently made friends with a fox outside the local co-op and ended up feeding it her lunch.